A Hard Week

Renee about 5 years ago as a chef

This is late getting out.  Renee Smith’s funeral was yesterday and Monday we spent the day helping with funeral prep and putting last minutes touches on my “talk” for the funeral.

I think this week will have less details than normal since it is a longer than normal week.  Last Monday (2/10) we spent most of the day getting insurance problems corrected for Walt’s surgery.  It was a very long and frustrating day.  At one point, the surgery was cancelled.  At the last minute, the answers were different and things (as far as we know) are all taken care of.  

Tuesday morning we drove to Rapid City, SD for his surgery.  The surgery hospital was very fancy and nice.  Lots of snack options, (except for the patient).  It looks more like a hotel than a surgery center.  Each patient has a small room with 2 loungers and a tv while they wait their turn.  It’s really nice and private.  His surgery only took about an hour and things went very well.    He actually had 2 tears in his meniscus, and both were trimmed.  He was in recovery for about an hour and then I got to be with him.  It took a couple of hours for his pain meds to kick in well and then we were headed home.  We got his Rx filled at Walmart in Rapid and a few others things.  There is only one pharmacy in Newcastle and that’s at the hospital.  

Lobby of the surgery hospital

The fridge with snacks

Walt sporting his new look

Ready to go.

On the way home, Walt wanted to stop in Custer at DQ for a blizzard.  His throat was feeling rather rough.  We turned onto the main st in Custer and there are police everywhere.  We found out there was a stand off with the police and a robber  was held up in his car with a shot gun.  Such excitement.  We were detoured around and safely on our way.  We were grateful there were no weather issues - for once.  

Enjoying our blizzards

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All the police waiting the robber with the shotgun out

Walt didn’t sleep at all that night.  I felt so bad for him.  When I got up, I checked my phone (I keep it on silent during the night).  I had missed 2 calls from the Bishop and a message from Richard.  Renee had passed away early that morning.  I think there was relief for Richard and other family.  Renee was finally at peace and free from that dreadful disease.  I went to see the family that afternoon. Walt was still recuperating.   Haley loves it when we visit and asked if I could stay a while.  I gave lots of hugs.  The rest of that day just felt so low and distressing.  

Our original plan for the next 5 days were now up in the air.  My first reaction was to cancel everything and just be there for the Smith family.  It was so hard to be at home and being sad.  So I called Richard to see if we were gone 3 of those days if he would feel we had abandoned him.  He said - not at all.  Life has to keep going and there were plenty of people he could call if he needed something.  His parents were also still there and that was helpful.

So Thursday we packed up and headed to Sheridan.  We had our seminary in-service meeting that night.  We stayed with the Baileys on that evening.  Then Friday headed to Billings for the temple.  We got there about noon.  We needed to pick up the key to the Lewis’ apartment from the mission office and they were all at lunch.  The Lewises were out of town but said we could stay at their place.  So nice of them.  So we went ahead to the temple to be at the 1 p.m. session.  Then had time to grab a bite to eat and get the key.

Benson Bailey trying to help shovel snow.  He did pretty good.   He's nearly 3 yrs old

I worked the evening shift and Walt was a patron.  It felt good to be at the temple.  I feel such peace there.  A great place to be after Renee passing.  Saturday, we went back to the temple and attended the 11:30 session and then headed home.  The drive home wasn’t bad.  The driving is so easy- put it on cruise control and just steer.  We got home about 7 pm.

The temple Friday night

While Walt worked on his agenda for Bishopric meeting, I put our stuff away.  Once I sat down, I looked down and notice my diamond was missing from my wedding/engagement ring.  Oh no!!  It could be anywhere.  It’s not a big stone, but it was a family heirloom.  It seemed an impossible thing to find.  After 10 minutes of looking, Walt came out of the bedroom with it in his hand.  He had said a prayer, and then found it on the rug on his side of the room.  Talk about a miracle.  Not sure how much it will cost to repair, but at least it is found!!

Sunday ended up being a bit different than planned.  We had church and then the study group at Gary’s house at 4 p.m. When we got to church, Sister Checketts pointed out the Hailey T. (her daughter’s friend) was there and could we teach her a discussion lesson after lunch.  Hailey’s mom is a member but hasn’t attended in a long time.  She is ok with Hailey figuring this out for herself, but doesn’t really want missionaries at her house.  So when Hailey is at church, she can be taught at the Checketts.  The Elders had taught Hailey the first lesson about a month ago.  They thought it well really well, but it was a different story from the Checketts point of view.  They prefer we teach Hailey.  We are up for that.  The difficultly was the fact that it was at the last minute and we had not prepared for it.  So after church, we got to it.  We felt it went well, but maybe I should check with the Checketts for feed back.  We will go ahead and prepare for the second lesson, for whenever we need to teach it.   Hailey agreed to start reading the Book of Mormon and pray to know if it is true.  A great start.

The Book of Mormon study group went well at Gary’s.  He was the lead person for the discussion, but everyone participated.  I guess it wasn’t clear about the food assignment, I had that assignment last week and we ended up cancelling.  So I made chili.  Gary put in a small lasagna and bought a cake. So we ended up with plenty of food.  

Monday we did a lot of prepping for the funeral.  Richard called that morning and asked about someone setting up the projector for a slide show of Renee for the funeral.  So we went at 1 pm for Walt to set it up.  He did a great job.  At 3:30, I went to the funeral home to help dress Renee.  Sister James, our Relief Society president was grateful I wanted to help.  I really felt it an honor.  Richard wanted to come as well.  Richard loves to joke around, so there was definitely some levity there.  It felt special to dress Michelle and I felt the same about Renee.  Renee looked so peaceful.  It was reassuring to think of her being released from ALS.  It’s a dreadful disease.  The last few weeks, she stayed in bed and just was in pain.  No more.

Also on Sunday, I prepared my comments that I was asked to share at the funeral.  The Bishop had asked the topic to be The Plan of Salvation.  I don’t feel a funeral is a time to get preachy, not that he wanted preachy.  I talked about the trials and joy of this life, but also how I know we  will be resurrected and continue to live after this life.  But it all included Renee - her courage, her positive outlook, ability to be sealed in the temple to her family and her strength (physically and spiritually).  I think it turned out well.  

Tuesday (yesterday) was the funeral.  There was the viewing, the service, a lunch, and then the burial.  Haley sat beside me during the viewing and family gathering.  On Monday, Richard told me the kids weren’t coming to the funeral.  I wasn’t forceful, but did express how I thought they should attend.  I shared about my own grandchildren at Michelle’s funeral.  I felt it helped give them some closure and be able to have a last good bye.  Ace was only 6 yrs old - Nic is 5 yrs old.  I know it doesn’t sink in when children are young, but I feel it is helpful.  The kids did pretty good.  Haley was all tears, Little Richard just chilling as usual, and Nic was sometimes sad and other times just not sure of it all.  I think Renee would have wanted them there.  

Renee and Richard about 4 years ago

Smith family and her mom.  About 2 years ago.  Renee had lost over 100 lbs from the time of diagnosis of ALS until her death

My part went well.  It said on the program “Sermon -  Joann Vann”  Not sure I liked it described that way.  The Bishop shared some thoughts after me.  He is such a good man.  He’s a cowboy, says what he is thinking, and is alway kind and connects well with people.  He was speaking about how much Renee loved her children - Nic, Richard, Haley, and … and the others.  He had forgotten their names.  Then he said how bad he felt about that.  Then said “I’m just an old cowboy.  All my cows have ear tags and that’s how I know who they are.”  It was hilarious, everyone laughed.  Good stuff.  

The lunch went well.  Sister James had been so worried there wouldn’t be enough food.  We were expecting about 200 people. I think we had at least 150.  But of course, there was plenty of food.  We packed up some for Renee’s mom, and then a big amount of Richard’s house.  He had his family of 4, his parents, his two oldest daughters, and then Renee’s two brothers staying in his 3 bedroom trailor.  I am sure most of the food was gone by last night.  We took care of packing up his food and getting it to his house.  We brought in a box of 10 dozen rolls (for sandwiches), a box the same size of goodies, 2 gallon bags each of ham and roast beef.  Fruit, pasta salad, and beans.  We left our cooler on his porch with ice and cold temperatures.  

The burial was in Upton.  It’s a pretty cemetery.  It was quite a bit colder there and still 4-5 inches of snow on the ground.  An area had been shoveled, but it wasn’t really enough to not walk in the snow.  I wore regular shoes to the funeral, but brought boots and my really long coat for the burial.  Walt was grateful he had his big coat in the car.  The burial was short, but people just kept staying.  We felt we should stay as long as the family was there.  I had done pretty well most of the day.  Some tears, but controlled.  When they started to lower her casket into the ground, I just lost it and the tears just flowed.  I turned away so others wouldn’t see.  Not ashamed, but it was the sobbing not just crying.  Almost a minute later, Walt was right beside me and just held me and let me cry.  Renee was only 1 year older than Michelle.  I loved them both - it’s just hard.  I have such a wonderful husband.  

A really beautiful casket.  Mountain scenes engraved on the sides.

By the time we left the grave, dropped off food, and set up the seminary room for today, we were spent.  I did not want to work on a seminary lesson, but came up with one.  Not my best, but it was done.  We didn’t have seminary on Monday because school was off, and then Monday night people set up the church for the funeral, using our seminary room for the viewing.  So we just cancelled for Tuesday.  Friday, there is no school again.  So only two seminary mornings this week.  I am still feeling rather sad today, but I know it will get better.  We plan on visiting Richard and family this week, and also Renee’s mom.  Renee was her only child.

We are so grateful to know that we were sent to Wyoming to help others but especially for the Smith family.  Richard expressed that yesterday to us, and thanked us so much for being there for everything.  If we had been assigned a 12 month mission, as we requested, we would not be here now.  The Lord knows.  He has a plan.  I have such a strong testimony of the Savior and the sacrifice of His life, so that we may live again.  Families are meant to be together forever and the Smiths will be.  Renee was such an example of enduring to the end.   We love all of you and appreciate your support - especially through the tough stuff.   Hug your children and parents and family.  Tell them how much you love them.